When you’re younger it’s all “Not now” and “Once you’ve done your homework” and “That’s too expensive” and “Next time”.
I woke up a legal adult with these phrases ringing in my ears and no fun scheduled.
A bit of delayed gratification is good for you, but 20 years?
I hearby give myself, and you if you need it, permission to have fun, now.
What’s more, spend money on it, if you want to. Don’t blow the bank, but invest in having fun like you invest in your retirement. And don’t wait for retirement to have fun! Your other resources will be depleting.
When I was little I went go-karting once and I loved it. It vibed with me the way violin music reverberates around a concert hall. I was wired for this sort of rush.
You have no agency at that age, to choose what you want to do though. “When I’m older” I told myself, “I’m going to do this all the time”.
Fast forward to 2023 and I hadn’t been once since. Sure life gets in the way but there’s more to it.
For 🧑🏻 Greengob ’s birthday we go go-karting. Again I love it, we have a great time. I think “Wish I could do this more often”.
As is pointed out to me, I could do this regularly, if I wished.
There’s a guilt though, about dedicating time & money to something that’s purely for fun. A paralysing anxiety about it, actually.
If I start will I be able to stop, or slip into hedonistic decadence like a Roman Senator watching the empire crumble?
What if I never do anything useful again? Shouldn’t I wait til I’m “done”? Have I done my homework?
Isn’t it rigid discipline that’s worked so far?
I suspect other people are also putting off things they would like to do, for “some day”. Perpetual delay of things that matter.
To reach the banal conclusion, your life should be orientated around the things that bring you joy & meaning. A central thread not a pot of gold at the rainbow’s end.
We all think we’re free thinking independent individuals but we’re not. Even the vast chalky limestone of the Grand Canyon has been shaped by its watery surroundings.
Choose good surroundings.
When you want to make a change, spend time around someone that already exhibits that quality.
I was lucky to have a good guide, someone who rightly invests in things they enjoy, and who challenges me to do the same.
Still though, I feel that pang of “Can I really do this?”
Like the Colorado River, I’ll keep wearing those stubborn formations away.